Life is weird, you know? When you think you got it all figured out..Then one day, you wake up to find out that you had not the slightest clue. I have recently decided that the whole modeling thing...well...that life just isn't for me. Yes, of course, it was fun...It's glamourous....but it is fake. It can be demeaning. And to be honest, for me, it's superficial. I love it as an art form. I think the human body is a beautiful master piece and photographing it can be like going into an art gallery and seeing a Mona Lisa...BUT...In a society where looks already "make you or break u" it makes you more than second guess yourself...You start to look at your nose...Your boobs...Your lips..Your thighs...Your wheight..etc..And you start to say to yourself, maybe if this was altered, or those were a little higher, I'd be perfect.....Even the most beautiful of beautiful will doubt themselves because that is what the industry does. Period. I've come to learn, that I just want to be me and not be so consumed in such an artificial, superficial, unreal world...I hear my calling else where...And whatever comes up, comes up. It's hard being a real person in a society where everywhere you look, fake smiles and cut eye engulf you. There's more to life then always worrying about how you look...And yes..I am definitely guilty of over analyzing myself in the mirror, being materialistic, wishing that my boobs were bigger and dreaming of a career filled with flashes and stars...but the reality is...If I had all those TEMPORARY things...and indeed, they are temporary....then what is going to happen afterwards when the looks fade? And the lights stop flashing? and my skin wrinkles and my boobs still look droopy? Do nice things REALLY make you happy in the end of it all? Am I really going to be taking all those things to the grave with me? Maybe the silicone..but definitely not all those material things I thought would be necessary to enhance my life in some way...I've always wondered...If being attractive is really more of a curse, then a blessing..
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